Lord of the G-Strings: The Femaleship of the String (2002) / Comedy-Adult

MPAA Rated: R for strong sexuality, nudity, language and crude humor
Running Time: 80 min.

Cast: Misty Mundae, Michael R. Thomas, Darian Caine, A.J. Khan, Barbara Joyce, John Link, Anoushka, Allanah Rhodes, Juliette Charles, Kelli Summers, Paige Richards, Timothy McBride, John Paul Fedele, Terry West, T.J. Glenn, Peter Quarry
Director: Terry M. West
Screenplay: Terry M. West
Review published September 15, 2003

So, I took the time to sit and watch this Seduction Cinema soft-core spoof on The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring, purely out of my relative enjoyment of their equally raunchy send-up of Spider-Man in SpiderBabe.  Let’s just say that I expected bad, and bad is what I got.  However, sometimes bad can be good, when you’re looking for it, and the producers know you are.  There are a few yuks here and there, which makes Lord of the G-Strings a relatively easy viewing for those looking for some mindlessly low-brow gags mixed with titillating erotica, but whatever pleasures are to be had are mild at best.  Essentially, it’s a small studio trying to cash in on an international phenomenon -- only low budget, schlocky, and every bit as moronic as you’d expect. With most movies, that’s a bad thing, but somehow, the cheesier this one is, the more endearing it becomes.

Unlike most soft-core features, this is one of the rare ones in which you watch the story in between the sex scenes, instead of zipping through with the fast-forward button.  After seeing SpiderBabe, I knew what to expect with the sex scenes: all sex scenes primarily involving attention to the upper torso, combined with liberal amounts of tongue-flicking action, and not much else, over and over again.  Ironically, you may actually find yourself fast-forwarding through the redundant sex scenes.

The plot follows along the same as the movie it spoofs; only the names have been changed to raunchier ones.  In the ancient world of Diddle Earth, the Throbbits enjoy a horny existence in their home of Throbbiton.  Dildo Saggins (Misty Mundae) is one of the sex-starved Throbbits, who finds herself approached by an elderly wizard named Smirnoff (scene-stealer Michael R. Thomas) to destroy the dreaded G-String in the mouth of the Party Pooper volcano.  However, the quest is long, and quite dangerous, as many other parties want the powerful G-String for themselves, and a potential romp with the lusty trio of Throbbits.

It’s all so silly, shot in the backwoods of New Jersey, and enhanced with some low-tech special effects, it has all of the look and feel of a bunch of Ren Faire enthusiasts and tech geeks getting together with a portable video camera (although this is shot on film) and making a spoof as a lark.  Well, providing that these geeks found some cute party girls to be in it.  Electronic music permeates many of the erotic scenes, and is every bit as redundant as the “hot” action contained within.  The tepidness of the sex scenes notwithstanding, the actual attractiveness of the babes is subject to debate, as no one will confuse them for Playboy Playmates.  Still, I’ll be kind and say that if any of them were walking around naked in my house, I probably wouldn’t request them to put clothing back on, unless I were related to them.

All in all, Lord of the G-Strings is junk food strictly to appeal to us piggish males that like fart gags and naked women, so grab a brew and enjoy your time spent while the wife is out of the house.  Sadly, the only thing this really lacks are quality sex scenes, as the ones here are almost as passionless and unconvincing as the hugs and smooches at your last family reunion.

Qwipster's rating:

©2003 Vince Leo