Titan A.E. (2000)

Here’s another one of those tired retreads that will have you naming the original movie TITAN AE rips off during every consecutive scene just to keep yourself from falling asleep altogether. From STAR WARS to STAR TREK to…well, pretty much every piece of popular pulp sci-fi in the last 40 years, TITAN proves that just because you touch every base doesn’t mean you’ve hit a home run.

The story takes place over a thousand years into the future, where the vicious alien race known as the Drej have destroyed Earth. Cale is one of the last surviving members of the human race, and his mission in life is to save humankind thanks to a map given to him by his long gone father which points to the Titan, a spacecraft which houses the escapees of Earth. Now he has destroy the Drej before every vestige of humanity is eradicated.

Toss in every cliche and every cardboard character you can think of, and mix that with a threadbare plot and enough explosions, noise and eye candy to keep people awake and you’ll have TITAN AE. There isn’t a moment of genuine excitement to be had anywhere in the picture. You may ask how that can be when this is one of the most visually stunning animated flicks ever made, with terrific animation mixing 2D and 3D objects with computer generated graphics almost flawlessly. The answer is simple: a story you’ve heard 100 times before, characters with no credibility, and long sequences of action scenes that make little sense. The sum of all these parts adds up to over an hour and a half of sitting in your chair being assaulted by the sight and sound of mass destruction. One good thing about all the gratuitous noise…at least it drowns out the sound of the people sure to be snoring around you.

Qwipster’s rating: D

MPAA Rated: PG for action violence, mild sensuality and brief language
Running Time: 94 min.

Cast (voices): Matt Damon, Drew Barrymore, Bill Pullman, Nathan Lane
Director: Don Bluth, Gary Goldman
Screenplay: Ben Edlund, John August, Joss Whedon